Read the Herald Sun on any Monday morning and it becomes pretty obvious what an eye gouger is. Namely any St Kilda/Collingwood/Bats player on King Street at 2am who can't file a comb or souvlaki into some sort of shanking device. An Eye Gouger on a footy field is a whole other proposition. Representing the pride and pide of East Brunswick these dudes and dudettes clad in warrior black put their non private health insured bodies on the line. Imagine Glen Archer in face camouflage or Cameron Ling wishing he had some. Hang on to your retina's because in 2010 the Eye Gouge are here to do some damage. We've sharpened both our fingernails and outside 50 kicking skills.
After a couple of successful training runs lead by club stalwart Tom McGuigan, the team is looking fit and fresh for the new season. With the welcome return of veterans including SpazzGash, DX, Surf Rat, GRose, Hughesie, Beno, Jacko and Tom III we are looking forward to a big year. Mix that with the tactical/leadership skills of Woody and Crumbs as well as some strong recruiting during the off season– Maggot, Lachie Left Foot , Phil No Name and Donza "the Don" Donzaretti (who Emma Quayle rates in in her top 5 draft prospects) we feel comfortable in announcing the club's new five year plan. A plan that unlikes Richmond's is simpler and a hell of a lot more achievable. Win the Premiership for the next five years straight. A tall ask yes, but with a mid field that runs like a well oiled late model Tarago-minus the passengers- and a tall forward combination that draws similarities to Roughie and Buddy circa 2008, we are match fit and raring to go.
Do you want to be part of a winning team? The East is looking for new recruits for the upcoming season. If you are looking to join a fun, family friendly football club, look no further than the Eye Gouge. Besides, even just a couple of games pretty much guarantees you placement in 'Our Team of The Century'. Training is every Thursday night and Sunday arvo at Fleming Park Oval, Albert St-just down from the East Brunswick Club. Be part of the Gouge or get a gouge. It's up to you.
Email firstname.lastname@example.org to get on the list.
"Dude, dude, dude! Just gouge the fuckin eyes"
-Tim “Dundee” Scott, 1st round draft pick 2010.